This Week: Inner Game

Shhhhhhh... I have a secret: I think I still have depression. I've been avoiding it at all costs, but this week I am returning to inner game issues. I was hoping I could escape them by sarging, but they never seem to escape me. To conquer these issues, tomorrow morning I'm heading over to Noah's Bagels to grab a cup of coffee, and then I will proceed to the nearby UW library to read a few books on self-improvement. Both are related to cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which is proven to be at least as effective as anti-depressants. The two titles I am reading tomorrow:

• Robert Anthony's The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Confidence
• David Burns' Feeling Good
  

I'm hoping these books will give me the tools required to weed out insecurities and help escalate my inner game, which is the most important game. I hope that once my inner game issues are addressed appropriately, I can train with real PUAs and work on the outer game.

Reports forthcoming!

The Matrix

When describing to friends what it's like to enter the PUA community, I frequently refer back to the Matrix. Neo is shown how the real world is, and he physically can't stomach how this real world is compared to what he's been taught his whole life. He throws up and passes out after having seen reality. I find my own experience similar to this. The idea that probably 15% of men sleep with 75% of women, that women are biologically motivated to cheat on their partners, that any relationship which is 50/50 is doomed to failure, that you need to unlearn what you've learn -- and pretty much do the opposite of what your mother told you to do regarding women. There is an entire secret society of men out there who sleep with the majority of women! (Tyler Durden claims that 2% of men sleep with all of the women)

It's a lot to handle, but it's the real world. You can either accept it or take the blue pill and go back to believing "whatever you want to believe" as Morpheus said to Neo.

I guess my question is how can I go back to the old world? How can I re-insert myself into the matrix? I can't at this point. I can only go on to see the matrix and conquer it. I've got to admit that seeing the matrix is really powerful. I've seen it probably three or four times, but it was mind blowing.

Welcome to the real world.

Rainy Day, Gaming?

It's raining outside in Seattle today but I'm not gaming at Barnes & Noble, although I did find it target rich when I was going to pick up my new journal. (I tried to find a cool seductive journal but failed, then I was going for a nice leather-bound journal, but I refuse to spend $40 for a notebook, so I went for a $7 journal with a funny picture of Shakespeare on the front)

This is a good day to spend inside studying because gaming is hard when it's raining. It's not just that there are fewer people outside, but because people aren't as happy when it's raining. I slept in today, read a little bit, and now am watching the Lance Mason video on kino. It's really good stuff, but only a smaller part of a bigger puzzle for me.

I was out gaming with friends last night but again realized how much I need to work on vibing and overcoming anxiety. It's not just approach anxiety; it's talking to new people anxiety. I can feel my pulse rise right when I start a new conversation with a girl, and I'm already worried about what's going to happen before I say hello. So I'm going to take care of that in May when I do my first real training.

In the meanwhile, I'm going to spend this weekend in study. I need to finish the Lance Mason video and then read the book Total Self-Confidence. I'm trying to improve my inner confidence, which is absolutely important for inner gaming. Given my own problems of inner game from the past, one of the biggest steps is actually rewiring my inner thoughts and repairing damage from the past. Tomorrow I may watch the whole David DeAngelo Cocky Comedy series, or I'll just read the book Feeling Good (on the subject of cognitive behavioral therapy).

This game is crazy difficult though to get started! I know once you really pass this first hurdle and start opening sets left and right, you'll be able to move onto the next level, but I really think those first few hurdles are the most difficult. Never give up, never surrender! I do think this is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Mystery was right about PUAs: you're either a PUA or an AFC. There is no middle ground (let us call it RAFC), and it's like you're swimming between two islands. Fortunately, I have wings.

Juggler and Charisma Arts

The two schools of thought I like the most thus far in the community are Pickup 101 and Charisma Arts. Both emphasize vibing with people and generally being a more charismatic person--the type of person that women (and men) are naturally drawn towards. Have you ever known a guy who just seems to have an aura to him? You can't see it (well maybe you can), but you can feel his energy and you're just glad to be around him? I believe this does exist, although I don't know what the physical reasoning behind it is. Those are the types of guys I want to become. My cousin in Texas is very much like this, and he can naturally vibe with anyone and get almost any girl he wants. In fact, he has offered to let me crash at his mansion in Houston once it is completed if, and only if, I can maintain three girls in my guest house at any given time. So my goal in Seattle is to learn how to build a harem. Thankfully, I will train with those who know how to do just that.

I started into Juggler's eBook, How to Be a Pick Up Artist, and I'm really liking it so far. I'm generally a sociable guy, especially with friends, but I'm shy around people I don't know well, or even if I do open them up, I'm not as good at keeping conversations flowing as I would like. But this will all change. There's a great quotation early on in his eBook that really excites me:

Asked to describe his type of woman, a PUA is hard pressed to come up with an answer. He can spend time with a wide range of women because he knows he is not stuck with anyone. His freedom of choice makes him a more loving and accepting person. His life truly becomes an adventure. He influences others to live happier lives and the world becomes a better place. If there were more pick-up artists, there would be an end to war, dogs would make peace with cats, and Ben Affleck would stop making movies. Every man, woman and Canadian should become a pick-up artist.

That's what I want: I want my life to be a neverending adventure. Most of my life thus far, while enjoyable, seems to have long periods of dry spouts, and if becoming a PUA truly makes my life an adventure and morphs me into the charismatic guy I know I am supposed to be, then I will do whatever it takes to get there!

High Five

I love the idea that PUAs are bringing back the high-five. Every school I've seen teaches using high-fives religiously to initiate kino. A year ago before I heard about the community, I can't imagine having given someone I just met (especially a girl) a high-five!

No kisses so far in 2006

I was re-reading Fabz's post on inner game issues and realized he and I are in the same boat. While I may post more on this soon, one thing he mentioned in particular that got me was his mentioning that any girl who is remotely interested in him becomes his one-itis. I will admit that as much theory as I know and as much typing I can do into this blog and into the Seattle Lair, I have not had one kiss since my one-itis last year. (summer 2005) This is hard for me to swallow, of course, and I've actually avoided numerous potentials I've had since then. But perhaps my one-itis is just because I haven't kissed a girl since then? Let's see what happens when I get my first *close, or hell even date, with a girl and feel that feeling again.

It's hard to imagine how bad I am at this stuff, despite my high intelligence, but once I get "out of my head" as they say, perhaps I'll be singing another tune. My goal is to make the summer of 2006 the best summer ever!

Status Report nearing May Day

I reset my countdown script to September 1st because that is about one year after I first discovered the community. Why did I cast the net from May 1? Well, my goal for May 1 was to triple my score, but along this path I found that I had a lot deeper inner issues than I had previously thought. I'm finding when I'm in a set, I freeze up a lot because I'm still not comfortable with the girls with whom I'm interacting. Perhaps I'm not comfortable with myself? I was in a cougar-infested bar a week ago and a girl pretty much whispered to me, I'm 34 and trying to find a young guy to fuck me. To most guys, when an attractive older woman would say this, they would reply "Sounds good, let's go." But me, I froze up and didn't know what to do. I find this fucked up because I have, in fact, had girlfriends in the past and have had sex, but I'm still uncomfortable with girls I don't know well.

Anyway, so I'm still tackling inner game issues and I'm also looking to really escalate my game this summer by paying for it. How so? I've been talking with Mango down in San Francisco, an instructor with Pickup 101. We've had a lot of great talks so far and I'm looking to roll with him in a few weeks so he can teach me everything he knows over four solid days of gaming. I really enjoyed my conversations with him because he has proven to me that his game is the natural type of game I want:

• I want to be the guy who rolls into a bar and owns it by the end of the night.
  
• I want to be the guy that girls are approaching because his social proof is through the roof.
  
• I want to be the guy who has girls calling him each week for booty.
  
• I want to be the selector, not the selectee.
• I want to be picky.
• I want to live in a world of abundance, not scarcity.
• I want to have to ask myself the question, "which girl should I see tonight?"
• I want to make pickup part of my life and enhance all aspects of it.
• I want to date high-quality, beautiful women. (preferably blondes with blue eyes)
• I want to have several girlfriends at the same time.
• Ultimately, I want to narrow down my search some day, years from now, and decide on a mate for life -- but this will not be for a while. This mate will need to be my best friend and battle partner.
• In the meanwhile, I want a harem.
• I want to date beautiful, intelligent, fun, athletic, and funny girls.
• I never want to get one-itis again.
• I want to get this part of my life handled so I can move on to the next chapter.
  

Mango's game is very natural and I'm very much attracted to it. I don't like the idea of bringing props along with me into a set, but I like the idea of vibing with a set and fucking with girls' minds. I like the idea of girls walking away thinking I'm a rockstar and hoping that I call them. I want to be the guy who has girls all over him without even trying. I like the idea of having 2 day2's on the same day. I want to post LRs rather than just theory.

I know I can do all of this, but it's just a question of getting there. It's a long road, but Mango claims I can really improve my game within a few months of solid practice. I will keep you posted, O Blog, so that I may look back three months from now and say, "wow, I was still such an AFC back then!"

Kill Bill 2

I think I should start sarging the Seattle au pairs more. I'm finding American women far too spoiled, like the great Pai Mei said in Kill Bill 2:

Pai Mei: Just like all Yankee women, all you are good at is ordering in restaurants--and spending a man's money!

The non-American women I know in Seattle seem so much friendlier and more genuine. I'll see about targeting Eastern Europe, but I won't limit myself. I met an HB8 French girl at salsa dancing last week, there is a cute German au pair I met the other night, and then I'm told there are two hot new au pairs, one Australian and one Brazilian. I think I'll be sarging the au pair gathering this Tuesday.

I'm still going through DavidD's On Being a Man video series today (on DVD3). It's powerful stuff. I love DavidD--I think some day, if I'm ever rich, I'll have to cut him a fat check for helping me fix myself up internally. Right now he's talking about how you must be voluntarily single first and build a happy single life before you can start entering relationships with women.

To love a woman, we must first leave women behind.

This isn't to say you can't have one or two FBs to fulfill your biological needs, so I'm hoping to get a few of those first. The path to victory is set! Fix my inner game issues (HUGE), build up my happy single life, have a few FBs along the way, then start looking for an LTR. Then I can start my own company and live the life I always wanted. But it all starts by working those inner game issues. I feel like I'm trying to untie a long tangled rope, although I'm still trying to see the rope and feel the knots. Once I find a way to untie it all, maybe I'll be victorious. Steve P, I'm looking in your direction!

Morphine Relationships

I remember reading in the Game that Juggler commented on Style, saying how he thought Style was trying to find happiness in his life by filling a void with women. I understand that intellectually but haven't fully grasped it yet. For me, affection and love with women is so powerful and always brings me joy, but as I remember previous girlfriends now, I am starting to realize that success with women does not equate to happiness. It's hard to grasp at this stage in the game, but I do see how it will become more important down the line. One thing Style did say that the best way to pick up women is to be a legitimately happy (and of course confident) guy. So many people are unhappy and insecure but they try to fix this by getting into relationships that they think will bring them joy. This joy is, however, temporary.

Watching more On Being a Man by DavidD, he drops an important point:

Money, power, and success with women NEVER solves inner problems, and NEVER creates happiness by itself.

I look back at my previous failures with women (e.g. my one-itis) and it does bring me a smile because I realize that what I was seeking with those women was love and acceptance and maternal nurturing qualities that I lack because of my own mother's death when I was 16. So with women I am trying to find happiness, but happiness lies within. It sounds corny and trite but it's true; I just wish I knew how to get there. If only DavidD would point me in the right direction!

This goes back to my analogy for people who get into LTRs to find validation for their existence or purely to seek happiness: they have inner problems, so the affection of another brings them temporal relief. In actuality, however, this is more like giving morphine to someone dying from internal bleeding: they will feel great for a while, but it doesn't solve the inner problem. I know so many guys and girls who are in, what I like to call, "morphine relationships."

Struggle

I'm again suffering from information overload and not enough solid game plan, and I reached a point today where I wanted to throw in the towel and give up the whole pickup game. But I know intellectually that what this means is that I'm frustrated from the scope of this game but also that success is just around the corner, so don't give up yet. I'm going to watch some more DavidD to keep me calm for now, so I can learn how to be a man that is naturally attractive to women.

I was talking with my cousin in TX recently (he's a natural) and telling him that I'm studying the pickup arts. He said, "Cous, you've got it all inside you already; you're just bringing it out!" He's absolutely right, but what bothers me is what is holding it all back? What is keeping me from reaching my potential? I wonder... DavidD suggests that we came pre-wired knowing how to talk to women on a sexual level, so why don't we? We didn't develop that potential.

Anyway, I'm going to be doing two primary tasks this summer: pickup and weightlifting. In the fall I hope to join a fraternity at UW so I can be on the regular sarge-list of campus. Who knows, by then I may be one of the best PUAs in Seattle. My wings say I will be better than they are, even though I'm far behind them both right now. I'll take that as a compliment, although I don't understand how they mean that.

On Being a Man

I just started into DavidD's On Being a Man series, and I want to underline the main theme:

The boy must die.

The inner boy that is preventing you from being a real man... well, he's got to die.

Thoughts at Six Months

I recently engaged in a discussion with the head of the Seattle Lair, Kjell. He was arguing that the game is too fake and people need to be real and genuine, but I am countering that the game is just what makes them become more real and genuine. I sent a message that others have liked a lot, so I posted it here as well because it sums up my current position. I'm six months into the game, I haven't really had one truly successful cold approach that led to a #close or *close, but I still have done stuff I never imagined I would before, and I am confident that if I stick with it, I will figure it out. Here's my message:

I find a lot of value in judging the game AS a game because it takes away the difficulty associated with losing. I know lots of guys who are not in the community who get one-itis over one girl, and if they can't get this one girl their life is over. Or they have five close female friends who tell them about their horrible boyfriends while that guy is in love with them all, secretly hoping they will like him "for who he is" or see how awesome of a person he is like in all the post-90s movies. (FYI... most movies nowadays seem to have the AFC getting the girls, which we all know simply doesn't work -- it's always affection-based rather than attraction-based; it's highly unlikely that Spiderman would have gotten his girl in real life since she'd be all over the rich asshole).

I've found a lot of value in David D's material, far beyond his cocky-funny stuff. In fact I enjoy the theory he discusses more than anything else. More than anything else, he's helping a lot of guys exercise their inner wuss and turn themselves into a man, much like Edmund Dantes in the Count of Monte Cristo. (watch DavidD's Deep Inner Game series... it's pretty powerful stuff that I've already used in my life outside of the realm of women with strong results)

However it is difficult to generalize an entire community of individuals. I know I associate myself very much with Style in the Game more than any other PUA out there, and I'm sure there are guys who prefer to be just like Mystery or Badboy or Juggler. But are people really picking up bad traits? I know my life has already improved significantly as a result of joining this community, and I'm not talking about dealing with women.

Three short examples:

Example 1: I just entered the game around August after a severe case of one-itis. I haven't read the book The Game yet, but I've gone to ASF and all I really know is the 3s rule and to say hello. After a week of entry, I'm sent back to my college on a recruiting trip armed with those two rules. The first night out in the college bar, I open up probably six sets. I don't get any #closes, but I have a lot of fun and actually meet a lot of people. After about ten minutes opening sets, I can feel my social proof rising and my presence in the room increasing. I kid you not, I start seeing girls who want me to open them up. One girl waves at me across the room; another girl is engaged in a 2-set with some AFC and gives a little smile my way. Another girl literally walks up to me on the street later that night and says "hey! who are you?" This was the best one for me because it signified something symbolic for me: who am I? I'm definitely not the kid who graduated here a year ago. I don't hook up with any girls this week, but I find out later that I had chances with probably four that I opened. I was still fresh out off the AFC boat, so I didn't know what to do at this point anyway!

Example 2: I'm in the Caribbean in December with my family. It's typical: we're bored hanging around each other and conversation is getting lame. I see an HB8 sitting by the wet bar with a young child. She looks like a really sweet girl just from her smile from a distance. What would the old AFC self do? He'd think "aw she's cute, maybe some day I will meet a girl like that." What does the RAFC Van Wilder do? He says "I'm going to meet her!" I walk right up to her and say hello! We chat for a bit, it turns out she's a babysitter and the kid is the son in the family. I introduce my family and we all have a great conversation about whatever. My dad refers to her as "my girlfriend" for the rest of the trip and my AFC brothers/sisters are asking me what we're doing. She's bored as hell because her host family goes to bed at 9 PM and she doesn't know anyone, so we have a great time hanging out the rest of the week. She has a boyfriend, but she still makes for a great friend while I'm there.

Example 3: I'm at a wedding this past weekend in NYC, high on life because NYC is a target-rich environment. I see a super cute HB9 (from Seattle actually) and her mom. My friend next to me says "who's the hot blond over there?" My old AFC self would say "I dunno man, but she's hot" and inside I'd be thinking "I wish I could have a girl that hot... damn!" But what does the RAFC Van Wilder do? He says to his AFC friend, "I dunno who she is, but I'm going to find out!" I head right over to her and her mom and open them up: "Hey why aren't you two cuties dancing on the floor?" Instant high value from the confidence and total social proof from the mom who boosted me up right on the spot for her daughter. I ended up dancing with her and her sister and friends for the next hour and we had an awesome time.

Would I ever have done this stuff a year ago? Nope, I'd be chilling in the corner, drinking scotch on the rocks with some friends, bullshitting about whatever, wishing I had a cute girl with whom to spend my life.

These are three short tales of some things I've done that don't involve fucking a girl I met in under 8 hours of interaction but at the same time have improved my own quality of life. I've met more people, I'm more friendly -- it's great. My dress is improving, my confidence is slowly rising, and even my posture is improving. I'm slowly starting to erase that sort of depressed coziness that comes along with the negative mentality that I should just accept I'm terrible with women and I'll never figure it out until I'm rich -- a mentality that plagued me for years before my initiation to the community.

I know most of you maybe don't have stories as extreme as mine, but maybe you do! It doesn't matter to me; this whole community, to me, is a network of guys out to help each other improve. "Scores" with women are really definitive metrics for benchmarking improvements, but I would argue that overall life happiness is what's really increasing. And nothing bad comes from people who are happier and more fulfilled.

Have a great day everyone. It's raining outside today but the future is bright and shiny.

The game is a wonderful thing, and the community is a fantastic electronic fraternity of guys helping each other. There are some slimeballs out there, but most guys you find in the community are really just trying to be accepted by others (especially women).

Pivots are AWESOME

On the Mystery Forum, one post provides a crash course in learning pickup (in 2 days). One crucial element is seeking style advice from a female friend:

2) Upgrade your appearance. Get a haircut. Visit a tanning booth (just once, for now). Buy a new shirt. Buy new cologne. Clean/polish/buy new shoes. Clip your nails. Exfoliate. Consult a female friend for help with all of the above. If she doesn't jump at the chance, you picked the wrong female friend.

This is so crucial and I can't understand why women always jump at the opportunity! I asked a pretty hot pivot of mine (HB9) that I am looking to upgrade my appearance and she jumped at the opportunity to help me. It's like it became her mission in life to work on me. Women really are amazing creatures!

We're hitting up the stores in a week or so to see what we can do. This should be a blast.

Cities and Chicks

I'm in NYC this weekend visiting friends and family, and I'm hoping to meet up with two RPUAs out here connected to my wing Zan. They're both MM alum and are getting out of their LTRs ASAP to get back into the game. I had forgotten how target rich this city is! Seattle probably has 51% women just like most cities, but it certainly doesn't seem like it. I haven't been to one bar yet where there were an equal number of women as men, and I was only recently at a party dominated by women (and it was our party). Here in NYC, I'm seeing women everywhere! It's amazing!

I'm hoping in the future to use a technique Mango mentioned to me where we can challenge ourselves to go pick up girls specifically to load a party. Maybe once he teaches us in person, we'll both become PUAs too. It's hard to imagine that I, Van Wilder, can become a PUA some day, but I am not going to give up on this.

It's the most exciting game I've ever played.

Social Proof

Indy had incredibly high social proof at his birthday party (much like Style did in the Game). He was in-state and on fire the entire night, and it was amazing to watch him in action. The only 2 girls there not locked to their AFC LTR boyfriends were these two cute Russian girls, including a 6' one that stood higher than me with her shoes. The other one had an easy 38C cup and a pretty nice body on top of it. We suspected they were party girls, and later we confirmed it.

I opened the 38C HB because she works on my floor, and this was a great way to open her 6' HB8. I wasn't in state so it was AFC conversation and I wasn't flirty or fun, but it was a beginning and I ejected and retreated to the dance floor. I didn't ask girls to dance; I just took their hands and said "let's go dance, girl!" Most of them responded to it without question (I suppose it's because the alpha male will always wins out over a female's will).

I return to the bar and find Indy opening the 2-set of Russians, so I join him in. "Van is the coolest guy you'll ever meet," he says to start me out into the set. Indy is super quick on his feet and starts pulling a photo routine with the girls. I've got the tall girl around my arm and he's got the 38C HB around his, and he starts taking "cute couples" photos of us. I'm still in AFC mode but warming up, but I start to play along and flirt with the HB8. Indy says "OK, do the 'grab-his-ass' movie shot" and she does! Then we take pics of Indy with 38C HB doing the same.

What I learned is that it's incredibly easy to get girls to do what you want them to do if you just fucking tell them to do it! Rather than AFC'ing and saying, "you know, well, if you wouldn't mind, would you like to take a picture with me?" you just say "hey smile for the camera." It's almost like we don't give them a choice!

By the end of the night the HB8 was talking to me and getting my vibe, but her attitude was negative overall so it turned me off. I would still nail her in a heartbeat since she had an incredible body, but I figured we'd see them again soon and go to bars with them as well. She's leaving in a month so I'll need to hurry up. :-)

I love it and I'm looking forward to more gaming. I've got two solid wings and we're preparing to amplify our game in the next few months. I'll post more later, but it should be a blast.