Thoughts at Six Months

I recently engaged in a discussion with the head of the Seattle Lair, Kjell. He was arguing that the game is too fake and people need to be real and genuine, but I am countering that the game is just what makes them become more real and genuine. I sent a message that others have liked a lot, so I posted it here as well because it sums up my current position. I'm six months into the game, I haven't really had one truly successful cold approach that led to a #close or *close, but I still have done stuff I never imagined I would before, and I am confident that if I stick with it, I will figure it out. Here's my message:

I find a lot of value in judging the game AS a game because it takes away the difficulty associated with losing. I know lots of guys who are not in the community who get one-itis over one girl, and if they can't get this one girl their life is over. Or they have five close female friends who tell them about their horrible boyfriends while that guy is in love with them all, secretly hoping they will like him "for who he is" or see how awesome of a person he is like in all the post-90s movies. (FYI... most movies nowadays seem to have the AFC getting the girls, which we all know simply doesn't work -- it's always affection-based rather than attraction-based; it's highly unlikely that Spiderman would have gotten his girl in real life since she'd be all over the rich asshole).

I've found a lot of value in David D's material, far beyond his cocky-funny stuff. In fact I enjoy the theory he discusses more than anything else. More than anything else, he's helping a lot of guys exercise their inner wuss and turn themselves into a man, much like Edmund Dantes in the Count of Monte Cristo. (watch DavidD's Deep Inner Game series... it's pretty powerful stuff that I've already used in my life outside of the realm of women with strong results)

However it is difficult to generalize an entire community of individuals. I know I associate myself very much with Style in the Game more than any other PUA out there, and I'm sure there are guys who prefer to be just like Mystery or Badboy or Juggler. But are people really picking up bad traits? I know my life has already improved significantly as a result of joining this community, and I'm not talking about dealing with women.

Three short examples:

Example 1: I just entered the game around August after a severe case of one-itis. I haven't read the book The Game yet, but I've gone to ASF and all I really know is the 3s rule and to say hello. After a week of entry, I'm sent back to my college on a recruiting trip armed with those two rules. The first night out in the college bar, I open up probably six sets. I don't get any #closes, but I have a lot of fun and actually meet a lot of people. After about ten minutes opening sets, I can feel my social proof rising and my presence in the room increasing. I kid you not, I start seeing girls who want me to open them up. One girl waves at me across the room; another girl is engaged in a 2-set with some AFC and gives a little smile my way. Another girl literally walks up to me on the street later that night and says "hey! who are you?" This was the best one for me because it signified something symbolic for me: who am I? I'm definitely not the kid who graduated here a year ago. I don't hook up with any girls this week, but I find out later that I had chances with probably four that I opened. I was still fresh out off the AFC boat, so I didn't know what to do at this point anyway!

Example 2: I'm in the Caribbean in December with my family. It's typical: we're bored hanging around each other and conversation is getting lame. I see an HB8 sitting by the wet bar with a young child. She looks like a really sweet girl just from her smile from a distance. What would the old AFC self do? He'd think "aw she's cute, maybe some day I will meet a girl like that." What does the RAFC Van Wilder do? He says "I'm going to meet her!" I walk right up to her and say hello! We chat for a bit, it turns out she's a babysitter and the kid is the son in the family. I introduce my family and we all have a great conversation about whatever. My dad refers to her as "my girlfriend" for the rest of the trip and my AFC brothers/sisters are asking me what we're doing. She's bored as hell because her host family goes to bed at 9 PM and she doesn't know anyone, so we have a great time hanging out the rest of the week. She has a boyfriend, but she still makes for a great friend while I'm there.

Example 3: I'm at a wedding this past weekend in NYC, high on life because NYC is a target-rich environment. I see a super cute HB9 (from Seattle actually) and her mom. My friend next to me says "who's the hot blond over there?" My old AFC self would say "I dunno man, but she's hot" and inside I'd be thinking "I wish I could have a girl that hot... damn!" But what does the RAFC Van Wilder do? He says to his AFC friend, "I dunno who she is, but I'm going to find out!" I head right over to her and her mom and open them up: "Hey why aren't you two cuties dancing on the floor?" Instant high value from the confidence and total social proof from the mom who boosted me up right on the spot for her daughter. I ended up dancing with her and her sister and friends for the next hour and we had an awesome time.

Would I ever have done this stuff a year ago? Nope, I'd be chilling in the corner, drinking scotch on the rocks with some friends, bullshitting about whatever, wishing I had a cute girl with whom to spend my life.

These are three short tales of some things I've done that don't involve fucking a girl I met in under 8 hours of interaction but at the same time have improved my own quality of life. I've met more people, I'm more friendly -- it's great. My dress is improving, my confidence is slowly rising, and even my posture is improving. I'm slowly starting to erase that sort of depressed coziness that comes along with the negative mentality that I should just accept I'm terrible with women and I'll never figure it out until I'm rich -- a mentality that plagued me for years before my initiation to the community.

I know most of you maybe don't have stories as extreme as mine, but maybe you do! It doesn't matter to me; this whole community, to me, is a network of guys out to help each other improve. "Scores" with women are really definitive metrics for benchmarking improvements, but I would argue that overall life happiness is what's really increasing. And nothing bad comes from people who are happier and more fulfilled.

Have a great day everyone. It's raining outside today but the future is bright and shiny.

The game is a wonderful thing, and the community is a fantastic electronic fraternity of guys helping each other. There are some slimeballs out there, but most guys you find in the community are really just trying to be accepted by others (especially women).