I'm Afraid that I'm still Afraid

I still have a ways to go to get over my one-itis and to conquer my fear of women. I opened up one pretty damn cute 25 year-old in the Caribbean who was a nanny for another family. We had a good conversation for a bit but as always I started running out of conversation material and, given the excessive amounts of alcohol I had consumed, I had difficulties remembering any patterns from ASF as they are not internalized. It was still fun talking to someone who's not in my family, though. I got two IOIs from her early on, but after an hour she mentioned her boyfriend and I gave up at that point.

I've had a few examples over the past couple of months where I just gave up during a conversation because I was scared of rejection. For instance, I had a great talk with this really cute 20 year-old in Seattle not two weeks ago. After a ten minute chat with her, my instincts were begging me to number close her, but I didn't because I'm still an AFC. She had opened me up and I still didn't get her number. How lame am I? I'm not sure if she lost interest in me during conversation because I was nervous or the subject matter began to bore her, but I know I should have at least tried for her number because, truth be told, I still have not ever asked for a girl's number since joining the community. I always come up with a damn excuse why I shouldn't: in a few minutes, she has a boyfriend, I don't think she's interested, etc. Dammit VW, just fucking ask for her number. What have you got to lose?

I still need to get laid pretty badly. My one-itis flared up when I was in the Caribbean because of my failure with the HB-8. It seems every time I fail with a new girl, I always resort to my one-itis as the root of my failure. Worse of course, as the Naked Eyes say, there is always something there to remind me of her.

Yup, I still have a ways to go of accepting myself and loving myself. But I'm not giving up!