Pickup is Life

As much as I am sad that I have to undergo so much training to "be all I can be," I am excited of the world it is opening. The people I model myself after are outgoing, sociable, and successful. They are picky about their mates and confident in their decisions. They know what they want, and they can get it.

As I type this in the morning, recovering from a nasty sickness, I wish I had a sweet girlfriend laying next to me, embracing me for my AFCness. Oh how sweet it would have been! I look over my past relationships and wonder why they all felt so unfulfilling, and I think the primary reason was that the girls never felt strong attraction to me in any of them. I was as nice as I could be, but it just never gained their attention.

In hindsight, I don't blame them for treating me badly, for I was not being the best I could be. I ponder if I would have made it as far as I have if I were not an AFC. Would I even be in the city I am today, or working the job I do? Would I be throwing so much time and money into self-improvement had I found a "good enough" girlfriend? I doubt it: as an AFC, I would be happy to have what I had.

I know that in a year or two, I will look back and be so incredibly happy that everything happened the way it did, but right now I am feeling incredibly lonely (emotionally). I wish I had a girl laying next to me and holding on to me, even if I knew she weren't the one for me. Kino is such a fundamentally human necessity that I think many of us go a little goofy when we don't have it. This is why I am starting into dancing soon, so I can touch plenty of girls at will.

If only the one-itis weren't keeping me awake at nights...